Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Keepin' The Town Awash...

Sweet little P-town shout-out in Esquire: The Horse Brass tops the list of best bars in America!

Best New Bars in America

Thanks to Lizzie B on Yelp for the heads-up.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Nitpicking Neighborhood Names/Best Job Ever

3:52 PM me: there is a talk thread on Yelp happening right now about what to call the Mississippi area
Maybe you should chime in...
3:53 PM I say that technically Mississippi, and the businesses, etc are actually within Boise

5 minutes
3:58 PM J: So they want to call Mississippi because it is on Mississippi but it's technically Boise neighborhood, is this really rubbing peeps the wrong way?
3:59 PM me: Everyone calls it Mississippi but technically, that's not the name...
What is your neighborhood officially?
4:02 PM J: Arbor Lodge
4:04 PM What's yours?
me: Creston-Kenilworth, one of the smallest
J: Your apartment complex only?
me: Hahaha
J: Hahaha, weird combo name... they couldn't decide?
me: Named after an 1812 romance novel, thankyouverymuch
4:06 PM They took the street names from it, too! isn't that kinda fun?
J: Random but fun.
I guess that's what you get to do when naming stuff
That would be a fun job, to name streets...
me: That would be the best job ever!
Here is J's town:
4:07 PM Street names: Hotpocket, Doritos, Pickles
Here is AB's town:
4:08 PM Street names: Bulleit, Prosecco, and also Pickles. I'm not super creative today.

Monday, May 18, 2009

I want to go to there. Oh, wait... I'm already there!

Here's a really nice write up from the NY Times all about my beloved P-Tizzle. I usually cringe reading Portland reviews, especially from East-coasters, because I always feel like they just.don' but enjoy, I thought this was solid.

NY Times Frugal Portland article

And here's a really whiny, mediocre response from the Oregonian: click here.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Remedial Math Skills/Don't Report Me to PETA

4:22 PM me: Here's how awesome my math skills are:
I am processing a new hire who was born in 1988
And I thought to myself, "What? This person is only 11?!?!"
J: Hahaha... how old are you then?
4:24 PM me: 42.I have really expensive creams, that's why my face doesn't look 42

7 minutes
4:32 PM J: Hahaha, those are some damn good creams!
4:34 PM me: They are made from the tears of angels
And dolphins
And endangered tree frogs
4:35 PM And crushed up diamonds and/or pearls
Don't report me to PETA
J: Do small children do the bottling as well, as they have tiny fingers?
4:37 PM me: Very tiny...
4:38 PM And they all went blind, but it's better that way.
Their other senses are heightened. I never said I was a role model.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Lunch Hate, Part Two

11:10 AM me: You are going to be so jealous of me in about 5 seconds...
J: Why, are you having a calzone? me: We are all getting taken out to lunch at the LimeLight!
J: Bitch.
11:11 AM me: Hahaha, I knew you would say that! Gonna be a good lunch, if I don't pass out first.
J: Is your skirty too tight?
me: Haha "skirty"...
J: Yeah, saw that and decided to go with it.
me: No, silly! Not from the skirt, from general wooziness. The skirt is actually quite comfortable.
11:12 AM J: Right, but I was going back to that time when your stomach hurt but it was really because your pants were too tight.
me: Oh, geez that happens about 4 times a week.
11:13 AM All of my clothes are tight like that, plus you know I have pantyhose on under everything.
Or some weird bondage corset like you emailed me yesterday
11:14 AM J: That's it! It's your corset cutting off your air way.
Tell me everything you have at lunch so I can imagine that I ate it myself.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Jury Duty, Day 2: Weak.

I don't think it would be fair for me to be on a jury, I can read minds.

Great for the parties involved, I suppose, but disappointing for AB: they settled the case and we all got dismissed. Maybe next time I will get to be involved in the process the whole way through. Also, maybe next time I won't get into an argument with the security guard about whether or not I'm wearing a belt. Repeatedly set off the metal detector, again, and though not wearing a belt, some Mr. T-lookin' guy insisted that I had a belt on somewhere under my clothes.

Off to work, back to business as usual, my civic duties for the morning have been fulfilled. Justice!

Monday, May 11, 2009

Just call me Lady Justice/Jury Duty, Day 1

At this point, I am pretty enthralled with our judicial system. I'm sure that will fade. But for now? Pretending that I'm on Law and Order is no longer a just a weird hobby, it's for reals. Some observations and lessons learned yesterday:

  1. Don't miss the bus. Cost me twelve bucks to park the car in a garage all day.
  2. Bring way better snacks. The crusty, forgotten FiberOne bar I found hidden in the deep side pocket of my purse did not a hearty breakfast make.
  3. Take shoes off every time before walking through the metal detector, which I set off no less than 4 times because I kept forgetting my heels have metal rods in them.
  4. At no point during any of the selection process yesterday was I ever asked to show ID.
  5. One point for me remembering to bring the ipod to rock out to sweet tunes during breaks. Negative fifty points for forgetting the accompanying headphones. J told me to just imagine sweet tunes in my head, like I was imaging sweet snacks.

Off to day two at the Multnomah County courthouse! Let justice prevail! Take good notes! Try not to stare too much at the clerk whose desk is six inches away from my jury chair! Learn more Latin! Use excessive exclamation points!

Lastly, turns out that translators rule. What an amazing job! There are two present for this trial, and I was incredibly impressed at how seamlessly they are able to switch off.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Well, this day just got a little bit sweeter!

dateThu, May 7, 2009 at 5:12 PM
subjectchanning f. accepted your invitation

Hi Anna,

channing f. has just accepted your Yelp friend invitation.

Click here to see channing's profile:

See you on Yelp,

-- The Yelp Team

Real People, Real Reviews

Monday, May 4, 2009

The Protector/Worlds Colliding

This strange lil guy watches over my friend's house. Fascinating.

In unrelated news, worlds collided last night when I downloaded "Bossy" to the Ship Ahoy digital jukebox. I have said in the past that digital jukes make me cry inside a little bit, but it turns out they make it way easier for me to alienate people and embarrass myself. It was a bit surreal to hear that there.

Also, someone played "Purple Pills", but accidentally played the instrumental version and luckily I kept it to myself that I do know most of the lyrics of that song. D12. Kind of a joke: they aimed to group together a Dirty Dozen of Detroit's finest rappers into a supergroup a la Wu Tang Clan but couldn't even find twelve. D6 just didn't have quite the same ring to it. I gotta hand it to them, though- the video is kinda sick. Proof wears a clown suit and there's a garden gnome on a swing.

Speaking of alienation, someone (surprisingly, not me) played Peaches and that was not very well received among the usual SA crowd. This video is pretty awesome: Peaches visits Mayberry and incites some real head-turning. Stay in school, 'cause it's the best!

Friday, May 1, 2009

Nice Rack.

I like that I picked up the joke after a 58-minute delay.

11:48 AM J: Going to eat my arm, so heading to Subway.
11:52 AM me: Good call, you gotta eat!
Where is Subway by your office?

8 minutes
12:01 PM J: About 3 blocks, on 33rd and Killingsworth
Already back and eating

9 minutes
12:10 PM me: Nice one... I am not sure what I'm going to eat yet, sick of lentil soup
Maybe Cha Cha Cha, but I kind of want to run up to The Rack to get pantyhose... hmmm decisions, decisions.

5 minutes
12:16 PM J: Lucky.
12:17 PM Probably a good thing I don't have easy access to The Rack

58 minutes
1:15 PM me: You can have access to my rack anytime, babe.
1:17 PM J: Hahaha
I was going to say, Oh it's not that easy to get to (Clackamas), but you were being dirty

8 minutes
1:26 PM me: Hahaha way to not get the joke at first, you prude
1:28 PM J: Seriously.

Bumpit Technical Difficulties.

10:46 AM me: Headset + Bumpit + headband not working out so well
too much going on at the crown of my head, what should I do?!
might have to answer the phone the old-fashioned way, use the handset. Ugh, gives me shivers just thinking about it.
11:04 AM J: Oh... haven't tried the Bumpit yet. Looked at it and got scared.
11:07 AM me: WHAT?! come on, J, you're an independent woman goddamnit.
what are you scared of?
11:08 AM J: Looking like an idiot. Not an awesome chick with big hair, which obviously is what I want.
me: Oh man, you are bumming me out... I'm sure mine looks ridiculous, but it's fun.
11:10 AM J: What's not fun about big hair?
11:11 AM me: Exactly.

That's A Whole Lotta Crack

9:26 AM J: Yuck, just saw a lady walking down interstate, crossing Portland Blvd, to get on the Max with no shoes. She wasn't even a crack whore, just a crazy-ass hippie
Who knows maybe she'll become a crack whore with the crap she steps on
hahaha, just cracked myself up
9:27 AM me: That's a whole lotta "crack"
9:28 AM J: hahaha