Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Tiny Tuesday: So Seductive.

Damn, girl... don't hurt 'em.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Too Much Flair? Or Not Enough?


Last night, my BFF/Neighbor wanted to make J a Moscow Mule, which turned into something else entirely, but what was most noteworthy about his special concoction was his use of drink decorations including a bendy straw, American Flag, cute stir stick, martini olive pick, plastic mermaid, AND a cucumber slice. Nice work, N.

Happy Birthday, Moons!


I wanted to post in order of actual birth, but then I realized I'm not sure which one of you popped out first. So, we'll go alphabetical.

Heather: I love you, B. I'm so glad that I've gotten to know you better this last year or so. You are an incredible Mama, wife, sister, friend, and goddamnit you are handy with those scissors. Thanks for always making me feel hot when I leave your salon. You are in the doghouse, though, for never inviting me out dancing... it is SO on this Friday.

Heidi: Words can hardly explain how special you are to me. You are the kind of friend who comes along once in a lifetime. I can't thank you enough for your support and love over the years. You are a BossyMa to be admired- it's been so wonderful watching you raise Max and keep it real with a lot of bumps in the road along the way.

To both of you: while you are both so very different, you share many traits as well. The first that comes to mind is strength and the next would be loyalty. You wear your hearts on your sleeves, and sometimes that's harsh, but F it. Life's too short. I admire your closeness with your families and I appreciate you making me a part of yours as I've got no peeps in the P-Tizzle. Lastly, you are hotter than anyone I know. Seriously, how are you both not models? Dear readers, see the photo above and try to dispute that.

Love you, Moons. Happy Birthday!

Friday, June 26, 2009

Bus-Riding Primer.


SoCal transplant has serious issues with even the idea of taking the bus, let alone actually getting on one. This is a two-parter because it started on text, shifted to IM. Enjoy, Portlanders.

SoCal: Can I hitch a ride to the Elite Event with you?
me: I'll be coming straight from my office, sorry. Jump on the bus.
SoCal: Bus... is that the thing with the scary people on it?
me: Wow, you really are SoCal. I forgot you people don't do mass transit.
SoCal: No, we most certainly do not.
me: That's ok. We understand that you hate the environment and driving sober, it's cool.

After that, I walked back into my office (no cell service in there), and got this IM:

1:35 PM SoCal: Your status says you're busy but I'm rude and interrupting. Does the bus provide seat protectors like public restrooms?
me: I sincerely hope you are joking.
What are your cross streets?
1:36 PM SoCal: 65th between Fremont and Sandy.
me: Ahhh, gotcha... well...If you want to be brave, the Trimet website is awesome and will get you there. SoCal: Ok. I'll look. How do you pay the bus driver?
me: You put money in the box when you get on. It's $2.
SoCal: They don't take Amex?!?!?
You're going to slap me through the interwebs aren't you?
1:39 PM me: The ole e-slap....
Well, here's the sitch, Pretty Pants...
To be blunt, sounds like if you actually take the bus, I'm sure you will have some horrible, awful time and then that might ruin your night.
So, until we can have a guided practice bus ride, you may want to consider an alternate way of getting there.
SoCal: I'm like a retarded child that needs to be taught how to ride a bus.
me: Clearly.

Chicken Pot Pie/"I Want To Go To There."


12:30 PM J: What are you doing for lunch?
12:31 PM I just sucked down a pot pie faster then you can say hungry beast.
me: Haven't decided yet... you should be on one of those Hungry Man Commercials
J: Sweet, second job would be nice.
me: Was it a chicken pot pie? Details, please.
J: Yep, Marie Callender's from Costco.
12:34 PM me: Nice one. My mom used to take me there all the time when I was a kid.
J: Well, I really enjoy the peas, pretty much tops for me, but the chicken is not bad, either! Not too soft or stringy, so that's nice for how processed I assume it is. Sometimes I don't think there is enough cream in there, and I like that part. Plus, they can only be so good when cooked in the microwave, pretty awesome out of the oven but that is a whole 45-60 min wait and not an option here.
12:35 PMme: Hahaha, really excellent write up. I was wondering what was taking you so long to type... you were just being detailed.
12:36 PM J: Hey, you asked for it.
me: I know! And I meant it!
I really like to be updated on your food situation
J: Wait... what place? Where your mom used to take you? If there is a place, "I want to go to there".
12:39 PM me: Marie Callender's! Pot Pies galore, babe.
She liked to take me there for chili, pie, and cornbread.
I think the cornbread was my fav, liked it better than the pie.
J: There was a place?! Oh, man that would be awesome.
12:40 PM me: Oh shit yeah! They used to be a huge chain!
J: I would take T there every day, we would both be obese.
me: It was made to look like you were at Grandma's house or something... like homey, old timey crap. Really low-brow Americana, if you will.
J: Niii.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Cheesiest Post Ever.


I was doing the no-dairy thing for a while there, but have succumbed lately (several times) to cheese, including not one but two pizza parties inside of a week up at the Greeley House. Yesterday, met up with my dearest darling Matt E at C Bar with the sole mission of procuring and devouring their fantastic cheese plate. Best in town for a bar, I say. Yep, definitely not so vegan yesterday. Is this thing not beautiful?!

Rogue Blue with honey, a cave-aged white cheddar, fresh chevre topped with tomato confit, fig compote, pears, spiced nuts, and baguette. Glorious.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Tiny Tuesday: Camo Cat


I can't find this beast in the living room half of the time. Blends in with everything.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Ghostride the Whip


J and Ebo bought a new truck recently, and Ebo had sent out a photo via text message, which of course, I responded to immediately, saying, "Yessssss, congrats! I wanna ghostride it!" This IM is from the next morning:

8:58 AM J: Did Ebo tell you that C and yourself responded to his text at the same time yesterday? He thought that was hilarious.
9:03 AM me: Nice! Haha, I told Ebo I wanted to ghostride the whip...
9:04 AM J: I know, that's exactly what C said, too.
9:06 AM me: Ohhh, C said ghostride, too?! Awesome.
9:07 AM J: Hahaha, great minds must think alike. Or at least you two dorks.
9:08 AM me: Haha, you know how much I love that song. That song rules.
9:10 AM J: I bet you are singing it to yourself right now.
9:12 AM me: Ohhh, fully...
Ice up ya neck, ya hands and ya whip, just to hang out the window and stuntin' wit ya click
9:14 AM Another great line: Thizzin is high And perkin' is drunk
9:15 AM J: Hahaha... please tell me you Googled that, or do you really know it that well?
9:18 AM me: Googled. But I do know some of the words, like...
Roll up, hop in, all in one motion... hahahahaha!
9:19 AM J: Hahaha

Odd, but awesome.


Just ran across this one on the ole archives... classic.

4:18 PM me: Did I tell you some girl asked me my bra size at a bar (Roadside Attraction) recently?
My response was, "36 Double Awesome". Hahaha...
4:19 PM J: Random girl? Sweet line.
me: Thanks, I really crack myself up... came up with that one on the fly, too!
J: Odd, but awesome.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Best Day Ever.


This is an extension of the Pearl to Pittock post, which was merely part one of The Best Day Ever. As we descended down historic staircases back into NW, J and I wondered where the next stop should be- and as we'd done our 6 miles on nothing but a measly bagel, we were in serious need of snacks.

I have been talking about doing St John's Vacation Tour for months on end, and we finally made it happen. It was a perfect day for it. We cruised up Highway 30 from NW, through the industrial 'sanctuary' we had just discussed on the walking tour. Rolling over my favorite bridge in Bridge City, we were in St John's just a few minutes later. We cruised. Seriously cruised. What I like to call a "Portland Minute", even stopping at a few houses for rent or sale. St John's is blowin' up. I'd better get on that before the gentrification really launches full speed ahead.

We parked the car, decided to walk some more and ended up at an awesome restuarant, John Street Cafe. "Inside or Patio?", the host asked. Are you kidding me?! What patio?! We hadn't even seen it. He pointed it out to us (entrance around the corner), and we set up on in their absolutely beautiful garden area, with more flowers than we could shake a stick at. The church next door was having band practice, so we got a free live concert to go with our omelettes. Great lunch, and perfect timing as Leisure Public House up the street was just about to open their doors as we paid our bill. This day just kept getting better and better, we couldn't believe our luck.

After a quick stop into an adorable pet supply store to get new collars for J and Ebo's chi-chis, we rolled up, on foot, into LPH and just about swooned. This was truly an AB and J kind of place. Before we'd even had anything to drink, we knew this was our new spot. Obviously, we needed to try the house Bloody Mary, as that's our usual test of bartending quality. It was outstanding. The entire cocktail menu was awesome, actually. More details in my Yelp review.

We had a wonderful time, just relaxing and chatting on the patio, playing with the bar cat, who immediately latched onto J, sticking her fat little face into J's sweatshirt to take a nap. We had the place pretty much to ourselves, but it did start filling up as we were leaving. Not only do they have a bocce court, but they have an outdoor pingpong area and they show movies on Sundays! What a great place.

From there we headed back to Greeley Ave, where Ebo had been waiting patiently for us to wrap up our much needed gal time, and we played with T for a bit, watching her show off her new pink purse over and over. From there, I headed back to Creston-Kenilworth, meeting up with Roomie at the Ship Ahoy for a couple of bourbons and the evening culminated with the consumption of what could possibly be one of the best creations of all time: Enchilada Fries at C Bar.

Sunday, June 14, 2009, Flag Day, is officially added to the list of Best Days Ever, right up there with Sunday, December 13, 2008, but that's a whole different post entirely...

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Pearl to Pittock


Last Sunday, J and I did the Pearl to Pittock Walk with about 40 Portlanders, including Laura Foster, who wrote a great guidebook for over 50 walks/hikes around the metro area. We had no idea what we were getting into... in a good way. We thought we'd show up, walk up a big hill, and feel like we got some solid excercise. The rad history lessons were a total surprise!

The group met in the Pearl (after J and I accidentally showed up an hour early and thought for a minute that it was the wrong day), and from there we snaked through NW, stopping at several houses and talking about the history, the architecture, and other significant facts (Drugstore Cowboy, anyone?). As we crossed NW 23rd and into Nob Hill, we started our 800 foot climb up into the terraced neighborhoods, all the way up to Pittock Mansion. We were definitely huffin' and puffin' a bit there... it was not easy. After spending some time at the mansion, we began our descent down the other side of the hills, Laura leading down one historic, hidden staircase to the next. The woman loves staircases. We dipped over into Forest Park for a while, too.

It was awesome. Touring our own fair city. We stopped at many houses, but my favs were Stewart Holbrook's, the woman who invented the curling iron, and Captain Couch's several brownstones. Throughout the tour, Laura pointed out lots of little quirks about everything from original streetcar lines to cemeteries.

We will definitely be doing more walks this summer. After we read about the different tours, we realized we had started with the hardest one from the book! Really patted ourselves on the backs for that one. I think next up will be Mt Tabor and the Kenton area. Check out the Walk There site here.

Happy Birthday, T!


Two years old, I can hardly believe it! Happy Birthday, T, yous the bests. Here are a few things I love about you:

  • Your dance moves
  • That time you were riding Max... because what big old cat doesn't like to be sat on?
  • Your obsession with purses
  • How much love you have for the chi chis
  • Your beautiful face
  • When you come running to hug me

I see so many traits of each of your parents in you, it's amazing. I can hardly wait until you start talking more and we can dish. One request, though: please, for the love of God, give blueberries a second chance. They are delicious, I promise. See you soon for a dance party!

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Ebo's New Bling/Words Will Destroy It



9:53 AM J: Shoulda called Ebo...He could have met you last night, he was over in SE same time you were at the BBQ carts.
me: GODDAMNIT, he would have loved it...
We had Whiffies fried pies, too9:54 AM me: I'm going to have to have a talk w/ him! I'll say, "Ebo- holler at yer girl when you're in SE!"
9:55 AM J: Is the googlephone working correctly?
9:56 AMme: Yes! Got a new SD card...
J: He sent you a pic and never got a response.
me: Really?!?! Uh oh, maybe it's not working, then.
When did he send me a pic?
9:57 AM J: Around 8ish on his way out the door
me: Uh oh.......... checking my phone now
J: It was one we thought you'd appreciate
me: DAMNIT
I have no photo, what was it of?!
9:58 AM J: Oh, you will just have to wait to see it
Words will destroy it
me: Ok, ok, don't spoil the surprise....
me: Tell him to email it to me?
9:59 AM Now I'm freaking out about my phone.
10:00 AM J: That blows, that's your livelyhood.
10:01 AM me: No, kidding!

Speaking of Ebo/Tears of Joy


9:43 AM me: Roomie found a website that has all of The Hills episodes!
9:44 AM I haven't watched any yet, though...
Too busy with the Yeeps at the foodcarts last night.
9:46 AM I was chattin up the BBQ dudes, I am in love with them.
But that got cut short when I started talking shit about the Lakers
(they are big fans, apparently-- whoops!)
J: Oh, you couldn't have been friends with them anyway, it's better you found out early on...
9:47 AM Obviously don't want to waste your time!
9:48 AM me: Haha... seriously, though, not kidding, really have a crush on the BBQ dudes
Do you think they will hang out with me?
J: You're just going to have to get over that, it's just not going to happen.
9:49 AM Lakers and Blazers just don't mix, and you would most likely lose Ebo as a friend.
me: Hahaha...
We could be friends just not during basketball season?
Speaking of Ebo, I think he would die of happiness if he ever goes to the BBQ cart
9:50 AM J: If you're a real fan, you're a fan year-round.
9:51 AM Probs so, Ebo+meat=happiness.
me: I only had tofu and I realize that does not make me an expert,
9:52 AM BUTIt was the best BBQ sauce I have ever had in my life.
Other people had ribs and pulled pork sandwiches.
me: They they were in near tears of joy over the meat.J: That is def Ebo's kinda food.

You and Your Roseanne/Yesterday Sucked Without You


This week was the start of Open Enrollment at work, which is the craziest, busiest, maddening time of the year. I have been out of breath and sweating profusely all week. So busy that I have barely had time to chat on the IM with my BFF, J! Caught her for a few minutes yesterday, though:

9:30 AMJ: How was Happy Hour time last night?
9:31 AM me: AWESOME. So much fun, lotsa debauchery. I won $3.
9:32 AM We hit up the foodcarts, too!
J: Sweet, lucky.
I, on the other hand, one crazy night...
Haha, not really... This Roseanne marathon is slowly killing me.
9:33 AM Like 3 nights in a row up until midnight.
I know it's on, so I can't stop or look away
It's a little sad...
9:34 AM Going to be another crazy day at work for yourself?
9:35 AM me: I can't even accept how crazy it is!
I can only be on IM right now b/c I'm on a conf call... haha
You and your Roseanne, I love it.
9:37 AM J: It's going to be another lonely day for me, then. Boss is out of town and no you, either.
me: Seriously, yesterday SUCKED without you, I didn't get to chat you at all!
J: Good God what am I going to do with my self?

God, I miss these guys.


You need help move TV?

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

So Much Love for V8/The Size God Intended


10:02 AM me: God DAMNIT I love V8!
10:03 AM I want to marry it and have its V8 babies
J: I keep forgetting I have it... mini cans. T loves it, too.
me: Thatta girl...
Get her on the V8 early, I love it.
J: I tried to drink one on Sat morning
She took it from me and drank it, then had a V8 mustache.
10:04 AM
me: Hahaha!
J: Ebo was disgusted, he doesn't like it.
10:05 AM me: He's really missin out; breakfast of champions.
10:07 AM J: And a salt lovers dream.
me: Oh, yeah, that is the bad part... so much salt in these
1/3 of daily allowance
10:08 AM J: That's what makes them good obviously, the low sodium ones about make me want to gag.
me: I'm ok with the lower sodium ones...
My Tiny Small Cat is getting kinda plump, it's supes cute
10:12 AM J: It'll be pretty cute if she stays her size and just goes out and becomes a little ball. You guys could start rolling around together.

11 minutes
10:23 AM J: You do love your fat cats.
10:27 AM me: Fat cats are the best.
She only gets her 1/4 cup twice a day, like the vet said...
So she must just be fillin' out to the size God intended.
10:32 AM J: Hahaha, she likes to chillax, just like me and the chi chis.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Worst Text Convo EVER.



Back story: a few months ago, I had a little crush on a bald man that I met at the Ship Ahoy, aka The Place Where Tears Go to Cry. Call it the Costanza effect, I do love me some bald dudes. Anyway... it never panned out, and that Eeyore doesn't like me one bit anyway. At some point, I saw a nice person somewhere deep down inside of an angry, bitter shell and occasionally try to lure that nice person back out again. Though we had not hung out in quite some time, last night I decided it was a good idea to start texting him, going against every reasonable argument from my roommate who all but ripped the phone from my hands. She really tried to talk me out of it, but I assured her: "I know what I'm doing".

Here is the talk thread that ensued, really not sure how embarrassed I should be about this one. It's a shame that it's not even funny or particularly interesting, what a waste of drunk texting. Oh, did I leave that out before? This may or may not have been facilitated by the consumption of Maker's Mark.

Me: You are really missin out
Bald Man: On what?
Me: The best snack time ever.*
Bald Man: Ah. It's bedtime for me, not snacktime.
Me: Weak. Whatcha think about dream time?**
Bald Man: What do you mean?
Me: Ah, nothin'. ¿su espaƱol es muy sofisticado, verdad?***
Bald Man: What the fuck are you talking about?
Me: Just complimenting ya. Don't freak out.
Bald Man: I'm not. Complimenting?
Me: Yes, complimenting.
Bald Man: Ok, on what? I feel like I missed something. Must've drank more than I thought.
Me: Oy vey.
Bald Man: ?
Me (like an hour later): You sleeping?

*Veggie nachos from The Stone
**No clue what I meant by this. Seriously. No idea.
***Why would I tell someone who was not speaking Spanish that his Spanish is very sophisticated?

Ugh, what a blemish on my usually stellar texting reputation. How bad is this? Do I need to be embarrassed? Please, people, tell me...

Weekend Culture Part II: The Ballet


My dearest darling Matt E treated me to a performance at the Keller Auditorium on Sunday afternoon- a show devoted mostly to the choreography of Jerome Robbins (October 11, 1918 – July 29, 1998). I was completely blown away. I know nothing about dance, but after yesterday, I am ready to learn! It was absolutely stunning.

The show was separated into four acts, each of which were distinctly different from each other. The opening sequence, "Rush" (by Christopher Wheeldon, not Robbins), was stylish, modern, and breathtaking. Ballerinas are effing burly. Notoriously in bad health (read: no food, lots of cigarettes), those people push their bodies to nearly unimaginable limits. My BFF in high school was a ballerina, and from my time with her I learned that breaking a bone or four during rehearsal is no big deal. Burly.

The next piece was "Afternoon of a Faun", which I learned was of the more classical style and as the dancers (only two) gazed longingly toward me, I realized that we, the audience, were the mirror completing the dance studio set.

Next up, it was time for "The Cage", which was beyond arty to this reviewer. I was thinking to myself, "Wow, looks like spiders killing each other... good thing no one will ask me about this because I don't know ballet from Bud Light." But then I read the synopsis later and learned that was precisely what it was about. It was raw, sexual, and gruesome. Accompanied by Stravinski's String Concerto in D, it was nothing short of alienating. And in a good way, though I realize that sounds funny.

They closed the show with "The Concert", my least favorite of the lot. It was a humorous piece and something about the high-brow low brow just irritated me. Though an amateur ballet fan, I guess I have already decided that the serious stuff if where it's at.

Lastly, and according to Mayor Sam Adams himself, the Oregon Ballet is in deep trouble. They have worked out the kinks for next year's budget, but need to raise 3/4 of a mil before the end of this month to avoid shutting it all down for the remainder of this year. Sad, but true. I've done a little research, and the Oregon Ballet Theater has gained some serious buzz on not only the national but also international level as well. Check 'em out here.

Oh, and afterward we stopped into Victory and had some quality chat time.

Weekend Culture Part I: Fried Pie Eating Contest


Holy hell, I really ran the gamut of culture this last weekend! After an unexpected stint in the hospital Thursday, I was ready to hit the town and do some awesome stuff. And that's exactly what I did.

Saturday night, went down to the food cart hot spot on Hawthorne to support my Yeep Amado's vie for the title in a fried pie-eating contest at Whiffies. A few thoughts on the whole scene:

  • The food cart scene in Portland has really taken hold. An awesome website here.
  • Amado is a swell guy, an outstanding writer, and a firm believer of fried pie. Though he did not win, he sure put up a hell of a fight.
  • The contest commentator's voice lasted far longer than I thought it would. Based on his volume and inability to zip it for more than 1.8 seconds, I thought for sure he would lose his voice!
  • Attaching the contest to an organization like Free Geek was a great idea- I have supported them for a couple of years and we need more people like them devoted to making technology accessible for all.

Though I arrived right on time for the contest, no one was actually stuffing his piehole for a couple of hours, so we headed over to the Jolly Roger to kill some brain cells time first. A three-piece band was setting up; we were intrigued. D asked the bartender, "Is this going to be smooth jazz or what?" He was kidding. The bartender replied, "Oh, it's so cool... they play a mix of all kinds of music, they are sooooooooo good." At this point, I admit I was intrigued, imagining some super awesome fusion band, ready to kick out the jams and make me shake my tail feather. First song, the soundcheck, was an oldie but a goodie by Sublime. Second song, curiously was also Sublime. About 5 songs in, I finally accepted the fact that I was in the very close presence of an real, live Sublime cover band. Wow. Really didn't expect that, and very entertained with the bartender's description of said Sublime cover band... why didn't he just say so from the get-go?

Back to pies. The winner of bragging rights and the pie champion handle on Twitter was not the tall skinny kid, as many were pulling for, but the big dude with the smile to warm your little black heart. All in all, a very fun (and may I add wholesome?) evening. Oh, and the fried pies? Pretty darn good. I tried the vegan BBQ Tofu fried pie and was impressed. They were also offering a pulled pork, an egg/cheese/bacon, a salmon/chipotle, and several sweet, fruit pies (all vegan). That cart's going to be around for awhile, that's for sure. Just to cap off how "Portland" the whole corner is- my lemonade came in a compostable cup made from corn. God, I love this town.

Great write-up on the Portland Mercury's Blogtown found here.